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Writing and delivering a eulogy is one of those things one never hopes to have to do— when the time comes, it can feel incredibly overwhelming. How do you begin to put a whole life into words? And once you’ve found those words, how do you stand up and speak them in front of a room full of grieving people? It’s no small task, and it’s completely normal to feel daunted by it.
One of the questions we get asked all the time as funeral directors is, “What am I supposed to write in a eulogy?” And honestly, it’s a fair question. Writing a eulogy can feel incredibly overwhelming—especially when you’re already dealing with grief. There’s a lot of pressure to get it “right,” and that can bring up a lot of anxiety.
So, to help ease some of that stress, we’ve put together a quick guide to walk you through it. We’ll cover what to include, what to leave out, and how to approach it in a way that feels genuine. Our hope is that this gives you a bit more clarity—and maybe even a little confidence—as you prepare to honour your loved one’s memory.
Let’s start with the basics—what exactly is a eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech that honours and remembers someone who has passed away. It’s usually delivered during the funeral service, often in a church, but sometimes at the burial or even during the wake. That said, it’s important to note that not all cultures or religions include eulogies in their traditions, especially during formal services—so it’s always good to check first.
Now, onto the big question: “What do I actually write in a eulogy?”
Think of a eulogy as a heartfelt tribute. It’s your chance to honour someone’s life—to reflect on who they were, what made them special, and the impact they had on the people around them. This could mean sharing personal memories, describing their unique qualities, or simply capturing the essence of how they made others feel. The best eulogies are the ones that come from the heart, filled with the little details and stories that help loved ones remember, smile, and feel connected to the person they’ve lost.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being genuine.
A good eulogy often weaves together personal stories, meaningful memories, and reflections on the person’s character. You might talk about their accomplishments, share a funny or touching story, mention a quote or phrase they always said, or highlight a piece of advice or life lesson they passed on to you. These little details are what bring a person’s memory to life—and they often leave a lasting impression on everyone listening. It can also be powerful to talk about how their legacy can live on. What values did they hold close? What lessons did they teach you that others might carry forward in their own lives?
When it comes to writing a eulogy, preparation is everything. Take your time – don’t rush the process. It’s perfectly okay to write multiple drafts until you feel it truly captures what you want to say. And when its done, make sure to print out your final version. Having a printed copy makes it much easier to read on the day.
One piece of advice we always give is simple: be yourself. You don’t need to take a too formal tone or feel pressure to crack jokes if that’s not your style. Chances are, the people gathered already know you well, and they’ll appreciate hearing your voice – not a polished version of someone else. Speaking clearly and confidently, but let your natural personality come through.
Stories are a powerful part of any eulogy. They help us remember and connect, and they bring the person we’ve lost to life in the minds of those listening. That said, be mindful of what you choose to share. While personal or humorous memories can be comforting, this isn’t always the best time to recount awkward moments or reveal something the deceased shared with you in confidence. Instead, aim for anecdotes that truly reflect who they were – their values, quirks. Kindness, or passions. These kinds of stories are ones that cherished memories in others.
One of the most valuable tips we always share when helping people write eulogies is to try to avoid getting into too much detail about medical issues or the final days. Instead, focus on celebrating the life they lived – the joy they brought, the love they shared, and the impact they made. That’s what people will remember most. Eulogies are meant to highlight the legacy the person left behind, not the circumstances of their passing. While it’s okay to acknowledge the death, it’s best to steer clear or specific details, especially if the death was sudden or traumatic. These moments can be deeply triggering for grieving family and friends. By centring the eulogy on meaningful memories and the person’s essence, you help create a space for healing and remembrance. Don’t be afraid to make it personal. Many eulogies reflect the speaker’s own relationship with the person, while also drawing in memories or sentiments from other family members and friends. This makes it feel more inclusive and heartfelt.
One thing people often overlook is practising the eulogy. Writing it down is only half the job. Take time to read it out loud a few times before the day. Practicing in front of friends and family members can be especially helpful – they can offer encouragement, spot anything that feels unclear, and help you feel more confident when the moment comes. Regardless of how you feel on the day of the funeral, if it is still too challenging to deliver your eulogy, as your funeral directors we are there for you and can read your eulogy on your behalf.